11 September 2007

More fun from Fortress Sydney!

"she was the only leader who could spell ‘existentialism’....he made Vladimir Putin and our Johnny streak down the corridors of the Intercontinental Hotel while singing ‘achy break heart’!

At last the APEC circus has departed good ol’ Sydney town and we can now get back to normal. All bar one of the leaders have paid their $4 for an airport trolley, loaded up their luggage, submitted the departure tax and have left Australia with their cuddly koalas, kangaroos and beef jerky. The leader who has pulled the short straw, however, is the Canadian PM who has stayed on for more talks with our PM John Howard, and also to collect more Australian soft toys (I recommend the wombat!).

The main conversational topic around the hot water urn in most offices revolves around what happened during the last couple of days of the APEC summit. The reason for this is that all the meetings were held behind closed doors.

Well, my avid readers, I can divulge what went on as I was privy to some confidential and, not so, confidential information!

Aside from the Chaser’s stunt, who made out that they were part of the Canadian motorcade and somehow getting through two security checkpoints before being discovered, there were plenty of things happening. Our Johnny, Dubya and co were certainly having a good time away from the media spotlight!

As suspected in my earlier blog ‘A PECuliar lockdown in Sydney’ the leaders were indeed having fun on Facebook. It is rumoured that Helen Clark won scrabulous as she was the only leader who could spell ‘existentialism’. Both Johnny and Dubya gave up at ‘exist’. Good news for the US President as he did manage to win the Texas Holdem strip poker night. In fact, he made Vladimir Putin and our Johnny streak down the corridors of the Intercontinental Hotel while singing ‘achy break heart’!

All the leaders took part in a ‘guess the leader’ quiz while drinking some homemade lemon squash made by Janette Howard (our PM’s beloved wife) and eating toasted marshmallows. Unfortunately, no-one was able to guess anyone correctly! Which is, I suppose, hardly surprising. When the clue ‘I am leader of the free world’ was given all 21 leaders shouted out in unison “that’s me!”.

One of the biggest questions was what would the item of clothing be that all the leaders would wear? Remember that it had to be typically Australian and that the garment was personally selected by our PM.

Given the dour nature of John Howard, it was no surprise when he presented all the APEC leaders with a plain coloured drizabone (rain coat) with a coloured lapel. John Howard wore his black plain drizabone with a red lapel and Dubya had his with a blue lapel. In truth, it was extremely bland and a tad embarrassing when you realise that Australia is the hottest and driest continent in the world! Maybe geography wasn’t a strong subject for our PM when he was at school.

The spouses of the leaders were being entertained by Janette Howard. They had lots of activities to keep themselves occupied while their other halves were busy. Janette held a crochet morning over tea and biscuits. All the spouses selected their favourite coloured wool and crocheted away while swapping their favourite food recipes and discussing their favourite home cleaning hints.

On the last day the spouses went to Bondi Beach and had some egg and cress sandwiches while watching a surf carnival. It’s rumoured that on the way back to ‘Fortress Sydney’ they all sang songs and clapped hands. Janette then handed them all a jar of homemade strawberry jam and a t-shirt with the message “I luv Sydney” on the front.

So there it is. The real happenings of the APEC summit as advised to me by a government insider.

Now we can finally get our lives back to normal once all the fences have been removed!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Well, I was in in the fortress that was Fortress APEC. It was all a bit of a circus really. Nothing happened, except for the erection of a hideously ugly fence, and the sound of sirens and choppers as various anonymous dignitaries were whisked to some appointment or other.

But I didn't atually encounter any prob's getting around. And on Saturday night the absence of the queue of cars from Broadway to The Rocks with car windows down belting out "doof doof" non-music to amuse the primaate occupants was welcome.

But Sydney didn't feel like Sydney. The beat up about all the difficulty in getting around etc was designed to intimidate, and worked. But Sydney without people is like somewhere else. George St in The Rocks felt like a movie set after the days shoot.

So it is good to be back to normal.

Still Anonymous.