06 September 2007

Further tales from the Lockdown City

"I thought Aussie tucker meant a Big Mac, fries and a shake! However, I was sadly wrong.......the New Zealand PM would hug and kiss all her APEC buddies, grab her Aussie bikini, before being escorted out by a beefy security guard.

We are now just over halfway through the great APEC junket and Sydney is indeed a strange place to be in. Not only are there a lack of people in the CBD but movement is severely hampered by the motorcades that are roaring through the city streets. I even half expect to see Jack Bauer on his mobile phone protecting the President from the latest danger.

Naturally, Dubya has his flotilla of security following him everywhere he goes. I assume they even follow the President to the bathroom! Let’s hope that George hasn’t been eating any Indian food lately!

Actually, the President’s food intake has already been sliced and diced (literally) by food nutrition experts across Australia. A quick search on the internet will reveal all about Dubya’s dietary intake. From what I can gather the President wanted to experience true Aussie ‘tucker’ (food to overseas readers). In my opinion, I thought Aussie tucker meant a Big Mac, fries and a shake! However, I was sadly mistaken.

So when George and John H went for a little boat trip on the harbour (protected by 14 boats and some jet skiers) the maestros of the kitchen came up with gourmet delights such as t-bone steak, sausages, sweet corn, onion and vegetables - all barbecued. If I had known that Dubya had wanted a barbecue he could have come to my place. After all, I make a mean bbq pizza!

Anyway, the leader of the (so called) Free World piled his plate up with lots of steak and sausages and only miniscule amounts of vegetables. Our nutritional fraternity went apoplectic! How could a President eat so much meat! Especially when the sausages contain a large content of fat! Could the carnivorous President be lacking in vital food sources? Could this be affecting his judgement on the world stage? Personally I don’t really care. The only thing I would point out was how bland the food looked. Our beloved PM ensured that the photographers couldn’t snap what was on his plate. Rumour has it that little Johnny disappeared into the kitchen for a vegemite sandwich!

While I was walking around the city of cold war Berlin - oops I mean Sydney I noticed that a number of bins had been wrapped in plastic and had police tape stuck all around them. The funny thing was that not all bins had been wrapped up. To me this defeats the issue. If someone is going to use the bins to plant an incendiary advice then why not cover all of them! I actually decided to make these covered bins the symbol of APEC similar to what the Olympic torch is to the Olympics. I also felt sorry for the bins that hadn’t been covered. When I told my friends this they quickly hastened their step leaving me lagging behind.

Another thought I had was to treat this whole APEC circus as a reality television show similar to Big Brother. What we could do then is have telephone polls to vote who we want to leave the APEC forum first. This way all money raised from dialling the expensive phone number could go to fighting world poverty, saving the environment etc.

I have this vision of Gretel Killeen (BB host) doing a live feed across to the Sydney Opera House and saying those immortal words “It’s time to go……….Helen Clark!” Then the New Zealand PM would hug and kiss all her APEC buddies, grab her Aussie bikini, before being escorted out by a beefy security guard.

Once free I would expect Helen to scream “yay, I’m free! No more strip poker for me!”

Then again maybe not!

1 comment:

Caramel said...

hahahha love it! hey, mine is finally up...

http://bunnobumpkin.blogspot.com/

eep!