08 September 2007

Where has all the milk gone?

"is the house situated in the middle of a milk Bermuda Triangle?.....the other suspect is the family pet a 14 year old cockatiel"

One of the great things about being at home for an extended weekend (courtesy of the APEC summit - good onya lads!), is that you get an extra day to do whatever you want. Obviously that depends on what plans you have with other members of your family. At present my father in law is staying with us so that makes 5 people in the one household.

I mention the number of people living in our household for a very good reason that will become obvious later on.

As the long weekend was starting on Friday my father in law and I thought we would go to the nearest shopping centre on Thursday night and purchase some milk and cheese as we were not sure if any shops would be open on Friday. As it was late night shopping we didn't get to the supermarket until 8.30pm. Once there we were in and out in a flash. Well, not quite a flash, but more like 15 minutes!

We purchased nine litres of milk that should have easily been sufficient to see us through the long weekend. After all, even though my daughters (aged 5 and 4 years old) like milk they are not excessive drinkers of it.

I woke up this morning (Saturday) and went to the fridge to get some milk for my breakfast cereal. When I opened our ageing fridge door I noticed that there was only 2 litres of milk left. Straight away I thought that was strange. How could we have consumed 7 litres is a shade over 24 hours? Even stranger was that I knew that we hadn't been extravagant milk users yesterday. Obviously for breakfast and our beverage consumption we use milk - but never 7 litres of the fine white liquid!

I started to rack my brain (which was quite hard as my brain was in weekend mode and I was very tired). After a few minutes the realisation dawned on me that this was not the first time in the past few weeks that our milk consumption had been on the high side. The questions that needed answering were - where has all the milk gone? what do we do about this? is the house situated in the middle of a milk Bermuda Triangle?

My first thought was that maybe we need to buy a cow. Now this might sound strange but we are guzzling milk quicker than a car uses petrol! I am sure a cow in a suburbia might not be too strange given that people keep snakes and other similar reptiles (not that the cow is a reptile). I suppose the issue would be how do you milk it? I wouldn't have a clue! I am sure that there are answers to this on the internet so we might be okay with this option.

My second thought, and one that makes more sense, is that in the middle of the night someone is breaking into our house and rather than steal the television, camera, wallet or other valuable items have decided to drink copious amount of our milk. I must admit that they are doing an admirable job as they are extremely quiet and even shut the door without leaving any evidence behind them.

The only other suspect is the family pet - a 14 year old cockatiel called Victor. Somehow, unless he has had SAS training and knows how to get out of his cage, open a fridge door with his beak, drink the milk, fly back to his cage, get back in and act all innocent then he is in the clear. Mind you, I think I will be keeping a close eye on him for the next few days and monitor his actions.

Whatever the reason is it is certainly a mystery. Maybe the APEC leaders have been partying in the early hours of the morning at my place while I have been sleeping. Who knows?

Anyway, I had to go to the supermarket this morning and buy another 9 litres of milk. It will be interesting to see how long this lasts!

I'm off now for a nice cold milk and to look up the phone number of the nearest security company!

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