13 August 2009

Do I Live With a Vampire?

"She has, on occasions, been known to wear sunglasses whilst driving in the dark. Very strange behaviour indeed...Having said that I haven't seen our neighbours for a while now. Maybe I should check and see if they are okay"

There are some things in this world that seem a little unusual or even a tad strange. The Eurovision Song Contest certainly fits into the 'strange' category, as an obvious example of weirdness.

Growing up I read Bram Stoker's famous novel 'Dracula' (well recommended) and heard many stories about vampires and other creatures who did terrible things to us humans in the middle of the night. Naturally these stories were stored into the 'unusual' category of my brain next to the tiny compartment labelled 'intelligence'.

These type of stories were all fictional as there are no such things as vampires in this world. Except in the case of Buffy the Vampire Slayer who killed millions of these demonic pests. I was a regular Buffy watcher purely for the storyline and acting skills...

Anyway, enough digression. I have come to the conclusion that possibly vampires do exist. Now before you ring for the men in white coats to take me away, hear me out. I have been observing my wife (the infamous 'No Worries') and she is showing characteristics that only a (gulp) vampire could show. Here is my dossiered evidence.

When we are in the car at night, whether No Worries is driving or not, she always pulls the sun visor down supposedly to keep out the glare of other car lights. I could understand pulling down the visor if it was a bright sunny day, but not in the middle of the night! She has, on occasions, been known to wear sunglasses whilst driving in the dark. Very strange behaviour indeed.

Secondly, No Worries ofter pulls the blinds closed during the day at home. She says its to keep the place cooler. Now on a hot sunny day I would agree with that. However, when you are in the middle of winter you don't need to keep the sun out. Am I being paranoid or is this a sign of vampirism?

Also, she has started a craving for the occasional glass of red wine. Well I think it is wine. I cannot say that I have verified that this is the case. It is certainly a crimson red colour. Could it be the blood of a recent victim? Having said that I haven't seen our neighbours for a while now. Maybe I should check and see if they are okay.

When No Worries goes out in daytime she often keeps herself covered up. She has said that she gets sunstroke very easy and needs to keep covered. Also, sometimes for cultural reasons she will cover herself. Given her Indian coloured skin I am beginning to think that this may not be the true case. We all know what sunlight does to vampires, don't we!!

So, dear readers, I am now putting cloves of garlic all around our apartment. I will be looking for some holy water and crucifixes in case I am correct and No Worries is a vampire. Better to be safe than sorry. I shall be monitoring the situation closely over the next few days as well as checking for 'fang' marks on my neck!

Now where is my copy of 'Dracula'......

2 comments:

Turkish Delight said...

Oh hahaha! Your poor wife! I don't know how she copes with a lunatic like yourself. I'm calling in the white coats!

Anonymous said...

umm have you read Twilight yet??