26 November 2008

Going For A Thong

"Firstly, I am not a male model (or b grade talent show contestant) and secondly I certainly wouldn't wear a g-string (unless it is for charity)....Within seconds she was standing right opposite me and then in a moment later promptly stood on my injured foot. "aaarghhh" I screamed. "There you go" said the wife "I bet you are not in as much pain now"

Now that the weather is well and truly getting warmer us Sydneysiders are shedding our clothes. Now, I don't mean that everyone is going naked, but we are all obviously wearing apparel to match the weather and the impending approach of good ol' Summer. So shorts, t-shirts and, for the girls, summer dresses are de rigeur. Likewise boots and shoes have been exchanged for sandals.

Mind you, given the past few days, where the mercury has been plummeting, you could be excused for thinking it's still winter here. On Sunday, I received a phone call from my sister in England. She said "guess what, it's snowing!". Within a second or three I responded with "it's snowing here too!" Which it was in the Blue Mountains (about 100kms west of Sydney) and also in other parts of Southern Australia. There was a pause from her while she mulled over this comment before we carried on our conversation.

Anyway, as it is getting warmer I have started to wear thongs. Now for some of you that know me there are probably visions going around in your head of me wearing a sexy g-string. Well, those visions are incorrect for two reasons. Firstly, I am not a male model (or b grade talent show contestant) and secondly I certainly wouldn't wear a g-string (unless it is for charity).

What I am referring to is the footwear type of thong which is also known as flip flops in the UK, or jandals in New Zealand. I wear them because I really do not like wearing socks and keeping my feet covered up. The only thing is that I always seem to damage my feet and toes when I am wearing them.

I admit that at times I may be clumsy but my two poor little toes really take a bashing. For some reason I always seem to hit them against sturdy objects. In the past few days I have banged them against the legs of the bed, dinner table and the driveway outside. Each time it happens I think "oh no I've broken them this time" Fortunately, touch wood, they have remained intact. In fact, given the number of bashings that have taken, I am amazed that they haven't filed for divorce from my feet!

Two incidences really stand out regarding my thong clumsiness. A couple of years ago I hurt the toes of my left foot when, for some inadvertent reason, I decided to hit them against a wall. Truth is I wasn't looking where I was going! Naturally, I was in a lot of pain. I envisaged bruising to appear on my toes and foot. The wife came to my rescue in an instant. She looked concerned as I was doubled over in pain. "No Worries" said my wife. "I can take the pain away".

Within seconds she was standing right opposite me and then in a moment later promptly stood on my injured foot. "aaarghhh" I screamed. "There you go" said the wife "I bet you are not in as much pain now". At that stage I had trouble breathing properly. When I had recovered somewhat I asked her why she had decided to tread on my injured foot. She explained that she had seen this manoeuvre on television and thought that it would help me!

The second incident happened only a few days ago. I was helping my wife carry in some stuff from the car when a book, that I was balancing precariously on top of some bags, fell and the spine of it hit my big toe. "Sheeeeeett" I shouted. It was shear pain that I had just experienced. My wife looked at me and said in a nonchalant tone "I think you should read that book". I looked down at my squashed toe and then at the book. It was called "Think and Grow Rich". Naturally that book is now on my reading list.

So you can see that I have a habit of damaging myself during the warmer months. Roll on winter, I say, only 7 months to go...

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