My view and thoughts on everything!

"Firstly, I am not a male model (or b grade talent show contestant) and secondly I certainly wouldn't wear a g-string (unless it is for charity)....Within seconds she was standing right opposite me and then in a moment later promptly stood on my injured foot. "aaarghhh" I screamed. "There you go" said the wife "I bet you are not in as much pain now" Now that the weather is well and truly getting warmer us Sydneysiders are shedding our clothes. Now, I don't mean that everyone is going naked, but we are all obviously wearing apparel to match the weather and the impending approach of good ol' Summer. So shorts, t-shirts and, for the girls, summer dresses are de rigeur. Likewise boots and shoes have been exchanged for sandals. Mind you, given the past few days, where the mercury has been plummeting, you could be excused for thinking it's still winter here. On Sunday, I received a phone call from my sister in England. She said "gu

"Where was Santa? Maybe his reindeer had been wheel clamped due to illegal parking...Mind you, if I was facing 200 hungry children I would raise the white flag in an instant!" Recently No Worries (aka the wife) and I purchased tickets for our two daughters to have a breakfast with an ageing fat man who has a fetish for reindeers and sports a long white beard. The man in question was, of course, Santa! We were told to turn up at the local shopping centre at 8.30 and then shortly after Santa would arrive and lead the children to the area where they would have breakfast and be entertained. It sounded like our gals would certainly enjoy this event. The night before No Worries and I donned the flak jackets, got out the whiteboard and synchronised our watches. We would need to adopt a military style operation to ensure that our daughters got up on time, had a brief snack and then get dressed in their 'Christmas dresses' and reach the shopping centre on time. Also, I nee

"why would you want to know what a suitcase weighs in Milton Keynes? The answer is probably the same as in Leamington Spa or Wagga Wagga!...I can assure you that our thoughts are wide and varied. In brief it would revolve around beer, birds and footy!" The other day while having a cup of chai (Indian spiced tea to the uninitiated) I decided to look at some of the statistics surrounding my blog. I do this periodically as it's always good to see where people are viewing my blog from, and also how they came upon my epic tomes of everyday life. One statistic that really caught my eye, well both of them really, was the 'keyword analysis' stats. This is the wording used by an Internet user to stumble across my blog. Some of the word searches were quite interesting in their own right. So here are a selection of searches undertaken by readers of my blog: Weighing my suitcase in Milton Keynes - When I saw this I didn't know what to make of it! I know that Milton

"I don't have any set format. I normally go by the name and / or a gut feeling that I have at the time. Sometimes the gut feeling can be due to a dodgy curry!...As most males will tell you that is simply not the case. It's a bit like a guy telling his wife that all women's shoes are the same" The first Tuesday in November is a very special day in Australia. No, it's not a birthday of a famous celebrity or anything similar, but is the day that Australia downs tools to watch a horse race. Yes that's correct, folks - the global financial crisis is put on the back burner while Australian's bet vast sums of money on the outcome of a horse race! To be truthful, I contributed to the vast sums waged by outlaying $32. Yes, I am the last of the big spenders. As for the race itself some punters study the form guide intensely. Others will look at the horse and it's colours and then decide to bet on that one. As for me, well, I don't have any set form

"Or would it be about something obscure like paper clip collecting or toilet roll designing? I thought I had better find this out post haste....In fact, it was a family friend who had seen the interview and couldn't stop laughing!" There I was at work when the phone rang. Nothing unusual there. It was Friday after all and a few of my friends normally ring up to see what I am up to at the weekend (in my case normally nothing too exciting). This time, however, it was from someone I didn't know. The caller had gotten my phone number from a mutual friend and had rang me. The phone conversation went like this: "Hi, I hope you don't mind me ringing you, but I was wondering if you would like to be interviewed for a television programme?" asked the female caller. "Erm no, that will be fine" said I. Then I started thinking about what the subject matter would be. Would it be about the latest Coldplay album? Or would it be about something obscure