19 August 2008

Going to the Chapel aka A Sydney Wedding

"I need you to buy some stockings" Now my head was spinning? why would I need stockings???...It was at that stage that some Gordon Ramsay style language spewed forth from my mouth and the GPS was turned off"

Weddings are great events. For the family and friends that attend the marriage service it truly is a moment of magic. However, for the bride, groom or bridal party it can be a very stressful time.

The following is an account of what happened to me as I attended the wedding of my wife's best friend in Sydney. My wife was the Matron of Honour and my daughters were Flower Girls.

The day before the wedding my wife informed me that we would need to get up early on Saturday morning so that my daughters and herself could have their hair and makeup done in preparation for the big event (and I don't mean the local footy match either). I considered this and said "no problems" thinking that we could leave home at 8 o'clock and arrive at the bride's house an hour later.

However, I was shocked when she muttered the words "four thirty in the morning" I choked on my tea. "What time???" Again, my wife re-iterated the time. Now, I am not an early morning person and having recovered from the shock of having to get up early I realised that it would be possible to drop off my wife and gals and then drive home for an additional sleep.

Before I knew it Saturday had arrived. The alarm went off and the clock showed the time 4:30 in a fluorescent red colour. My wife staggered out of bed and then started getting ready for the big day. We woke our girls up and put them in the car in their pyjamas. They too, like me, were very sleepy.

The drive to the bride's house was smooth as there was hardly any traffic on the road. I dropped the family off and drove back home. By the time I arrived back I was too awake to sleep and had breakfast and decided to chill before I had to get ready. I put on the television to watch the Olympics only to find that Aussie Rules Football was on!

Later on, I started to get dressed for the wedding when I noticed a stain on my shirt. I couldn't believe it! When I checked the shirt a few days earlier it was totally clean! Some invisible stain monster must have struck during the night. I hoped that no one at the wedding would notice and continued to get ready.

Then my wife rang me. She was exasperated. "I need you to get some shoe inlays, please" "erm, okay" I replied and then asked her why. Apparently the shoes for my youngest daughter were too big and inlays would help. I then realised that time would be of the essence. Now I would need to drive to the local shopping centre, find a parking spot (very hard on a Saturday morning), and get the inlays. Then drive to the City check into our hotel, take some baggage to the bride's hotel and get to the church on time!

By some miracle, I found a parking spot straight away. I headed to the first shoe shop and asked for the inlays. The assistant wanted to know what size shoe would they be required for. Rather than guess I rang my wife and got her to explain. This was all going swimmingly well until the assistant gave the phone back to me.

"I have another request" said the wife. Immediately I was worried. I need you to buy some stockings" Now my head was spinning. Why would I need stockings??? My wife then advised that the bride no longer had a spare pair as my dearest was now wearing them! I started writing down the details. I kept thinking "where am I going to get these stockings?" At last sanity prevailed as the bride overheard and informed that not to bother as they were only available in the US!

I paid for the inlays ran to the car and headed for the City. Now I didn't need to put on the GPS (Sat Nav) but did so for fun. I also put the radio on only to find out that Michael Phelps had won yet another gold at the Olympics! As I approached the City my GPS kept telling me to go in a different direction to the way I knew I had to go. I ignored it and kept heading the way I knew. When I was one road away from my hotel the GPS wanted me to turn back the way I had come. It was at this stage that some Gordon Ramsay style language spewed forth from my mouth and the GPS was rapidly turned off.

I decided to park at a car park close to the hotel. It had 24 hour secure parking so I thought that would be a good place to leave the car. I drove down into the car park only to find that it was actually part of the old tram lines that were once used. To get to the correct parking spot I had to drive along this narrow dark tunnel, then reverse park into a very tight parking spot. Normally my reverse parking skills are extremely average. For some reason I parked the car like I was Lewis Hamilton!

I checked in to the hotel only to find that we had been given a smoking room. "No I don't want a smoking room" said I. Eventually I agreed to drop my bags off in this room and when we arrived after the wedding at midnight we would move to a non-smoking room.

I checked my watch it was half an hour from the start of the wedding. I still had to drop off the bride's baggage. I made my way back to the car down the long and winding tram tunnel. As I got closer to my car I kept seeing this man stand up and then crouch down behind a car. I stopped walking and considered that he might be trying to break into a car. I made a decision to confront this man head on.

As I made my way to where he stood it all became clear. He was a Muslim and had a prayer mat and was praying. I started to think I was in the Twilight Zone. Why would anyone want to pray in a car park that is underground? Also, how does he know in which direction Mecca lay? I shrugged my shoulders and picked up the baggage and headed towards daylight and the bride's hotel.

On the way there my phone rang. It was the wife again. "Hi, we are on our way to the church now and I need another favour". Straight away I thought "what now. Am I expected to play the church organ!!" My wife informed me that she had left our daughter's water bottles at the bride's house and could I buy a bottle of water for them.

Now I had to find a convenience store to get the water. Fortunately, I knew one was close to the church and made my way there. I bought the water and finally got to the church five minutes before the bride arrived. I decided then that it was a good idea to turn my mobile phone off in case I had to do something else like perform the wedding ceremony!

1 comment:

FnL said...

And that is why I'm still single...