27 May 2008

Another drink, Please!

"I decided to take a swig of beer every time Gordon Ramsay emitted the offensive word...for the next 10 minutes Gordon Ramsay did not swear once! I was truly amazed"

Last week I decided to watch Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares as it is one of my current fave shows. I like it as I admire his passion for all things cooking.

Anyway, this show is where world renowned chef (and former soccer player) Gordon Ramsay helps turn around an under-performing restaurant. The main causes of this are generally bad food, bad management and even in cases the menu itself. Big Gordon is so popular in Australia that up until recently he had his show on Australian television three nights in a row!

As some of you would know, 'Chef Ramsay' likes to use the 'F' word more often than Ozzy Osbourne! I decided to undertake a test to see how many times the 'F' word was used in one show. Rather than counting the swear words I decided to take a swig of beer every time Gordon Ramsay emitted the offensive word, or words. So as you can see it was going to be a true scientific test!

I was not sure as to how much alcohol I would consume, but I soon got a good idea soon after the show started. Our hero was letting it rip with a fine flow of four lettered words. I was swigging my beer quicker than if it was last orders in a local drinking establishment! A quick look at my bottle told me that I could possibly be out of beer before the show ended. As I didn't have any other beer in the house I decided to swig the amber nectar in a more frugal manner.

The show continued and my bottle got lighter, while my taste buds got more alcoholic. Then another advertisement break occurred. I should point out that commercial television in Australia has frequent advertisement breaks. In fact the show '60 Minutes' is really only 46 minutes after all the commercial breaks.

The show came back on and all of a sudden a miracle transpired. No, I did not discover a large quantity of beer hidden under the stairs, but for the next 10 minutes Gordon Ramsay did not swear once! I was truly amazed. Also, it meant that my only beer in the house would last the whole show. In fact, I emptied the bottle right at the end when the last 'F' word was said.

This got me thinking as to what other TV shows, or things similar, could you have a good drinking session to. The winner, in my mind, is the show '24' starring Kiefer Sutherland as Jack Bauer. I reckon that if you have a swig of beer every time he uses a mobile (cell) phone in each episode then you could be on course for some serious alcohol poisoning! The other thing about the show '24' is that Jack Bauer never eats, drinks or visits the bathroom during the 24 hours that he has to save the world again and again!

The other two things that came to my mind as potential drinking material were both politically related. If you listen to our previous PM, John Howard, making a speech and took a swig of beer every time 'Little Johnny' said 'un-Australian' then you would soon get through a large quantity of alcohol very quickly indeed. The same can be said of the current Rudd government who like using the phrase 'working families' in virtually everything they say and do.

Anyway, I've got to go now and replenish my supply of beer. I'll leave you with this totally unrelated thought. Why is the World Youth Day (to be held in Sydney in July) spread over 6 days? After all, isn't a day 24 hours? I wonder if Jack Bauer will be attending!


Anonymous said...

48 hits to go!!!
Cheers to that!

Anonymous said...

seriously clever and funny !